Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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