did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
