worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
