Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
