Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
