She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
