google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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