the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
