we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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