Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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