I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Come on in and take your pants off
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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