marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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