before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
