They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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