I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You are the jesus of drinking
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
