Well douche your snatch and let's go!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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