I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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