dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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