he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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