Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
