I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
