Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
