Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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