maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
