So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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