Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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