he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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