What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
