im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
