My sheets look like a crime scene.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
