Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
home. puking in laundry basket.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
