You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
