seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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