Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
