he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I think we might need a safe word for this...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
