So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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