I wish my penis had an off switch
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize