And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize