i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
