so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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