somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
MIDGETS
????
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
