Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
