I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
