Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
