That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
