3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just high enough for therapy.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
