Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
