dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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