I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
