I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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