Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
