no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
