Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
