My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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