I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
