the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
