My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
