Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
i've created a new STD.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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