apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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