I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
