the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
