I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
