Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
