I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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