My nipple is on Facebook.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
