I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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